Chris and I had a most amazing day together in between his work shifts. We walked, we talked, we read. He curled my hair for me while we watched one of his war flicks. Before leaving yesterday morning for his 24 hour shift, he whispered, "I miss you already." I savored that sweet nothing all day yesterday! Now, he is off to work another 8 hour shift before returning home at midnight to work again at 7 tomorrow morning.Here I am at the keyboard, having just watched a movie favorite- "Serendipity." It is one of my favorites, because it reminds me so much of our love story. All couples have a love story...how it all began. Some place to revisit when we forget or begin to forget and take the other for granted. Looking back, I am amazed that it all began one October evening back in 1985. Chris came to visit our Youth Group concert where our Pastor's son's band played. From then on, he continued to attend services and ended up helping the Children's Director and I in Children's Church. As I recall the events that later transpired, we would re-meet two different Octobers. How fitting, that it should be October once again when I revisit our place. Today, I visit out of reverance and thankfulness as it is a grand a story as any wonderful love story! I pray that you will also visit and be inspired if needbe to also visit your own...
Summer’s End
“I’m going marry you someday,” he said. “I’m going to fly jets like that and I’m going to marry you someday.”
The teenage couple lay head to head in the summer sunshine, looking up at the jet flying overhead.
The young girl giggled but reached for his hand and clasped it. The young stud smiled.
Many years later, the same couple lay side by side in a bed he had built for her, in a house he had all but built for her and outside it rained. A storm had blown in and the deluge poured for days…Much like the storm within the home. There in the bed, he slept but she did not. Her mind wandered back to that day on the beach blanket by the sea and all the promise of summer…
However, all summers end and one must return to school or work. The details differ but the fact remains that summer ends and one must return to whatever they did prior to vacation. Likewise, the honeymoon must also come to an end. Some folks are lucky in a sense that they remain in perpetual state of bliss long after the nuptials and the honeymoon holiday. Is honeymoon just a state of mind? Perhaps, they were naïve or maybe they just knew the secret. Nonetheless, summer ended that year decades ago and now, the honeymoon was definitely also over.
Much as she had broken his heart when she broke up with him that summer long ago, he was now breaking hers. Just as thoughtless as she was to break it off with him the day before his birthday no less, negligence was once again the culprit in reverse. He still said, “I love you” and kissed her goodnight but they seemed like mere actions and words. He worked long hours and she knew she should be grateful that he put food on the table and a roof over their heads. She knew her fears were unfounded, but her imagination ran wild at the lack of communication which had clothed them like a foggy cape.
The more she focused on his faults or deficiencies, the more she also worried that she was no longer what he wanted. Surely, there were younger and more attractive women that would satisfy him. Surely, those women would dote on him and hang on his every word…just as she had in the beginning. When had he stopped looking at her with love and longing? When had she started noticing? Was it after the children were born or before? Was it after her bout with sickness? Was it after he’d lost his job? Was it after they had moved? Maybe they had never been passionate for one another at all? Had it all been just a dream?
They had both been sampling the D word…a nibble here and a taste there. Funny how once bitten, the hunger grew and what was a mere tempting thought seemed to grow and branch out like a choking vine. It grew from one mind to the other and surrounded their home and crept into their every thought. It darkened their windows and desecrated even their love nest until in the heated moment of another argument, it was finally spoken.
“Maybe we should just quit.”
“Maybe we should.”
Having spoken it, there seemed nothing else to say. The quarrel dissipated and they each retreated to their respective corners. Each one knew that turning away and walking away never solved anything, but old habits die hard. Why is it that those habits which destroy and fester are easy to keep alive but it is so difficult to exercise the habits which build and encourage? Why were those habits buried or neglected when those were the very habits which sparked and fueled the fire of love and passion between them in the first place?
She lay there silently and replayed the movie in her mind once more…
He had held her hand by accident the first time. He had reached back for her as they raced to catch up with others in their group. They were running to get in line for the rollercoaster-the one with the loops, which she had never ridden. She wasn’t so sure she wanted to either but she was tired of being afraid. He laughed and she took his hand and she laughed, too as they ran across the amusement park’s black top in search of their friends. He took her hand and did not let go for the rest of the night…almost for the rest of the summer it seemed.
Another summer evening, he reached for her at the bottom of the hill as she tumbled in the avocado grove behind their Youth Pastor’s home. He held her hand as they sat in Bible Study and at the local frozen yogurt shop. He held her hand during Sunday Morning services. This boy, who had seemed set on irritating her from the moment she had met him months ago, now seemed to be smiling at her every time she looked his direction. She had not noticed his bright eyes or charming smile before. She had not noticed his broad shoulders or evenly tanned skin either. She had been too busy ignoring him.
He even made an impression her tough to please Dad when he rode two cities over to visit her in the heat of summer. Despite yelling at him for hopping the fence, which was the only way to get to her front door because all the gates were locked, her Dad still remained impressed with the young man.
Yet another summer evening, she had pushed him away when she was hurting not because he had hurt her. Some inane rationale within her reasoned that she would be better off without him or anyone as things were so tumultuous at home. She had told him she did not want to date him any longer after giving him his birthday present of a small black and white teddy bear which matched the one he had won for her that night at the amusement park. It was only after he walked away that she realized her callousness as it was a day before his birthday.
Not long after, he stopped coming to their little church and save for popping out of the woodwork once afterward, she did not see him for quite awhile. He dropped by one day out of the blue. He seemed more grown and handsome. He told her that he was no longer qualified for Navy ROTC and that he would not be flying jets. He invited her to a premiere of the community film he had been working on after dropping out of High School. They talked for hours as though they had just seen one another the day before. A week later, he stood her up and she did not see him again for quite awhile.
About a year later, she attended a “Going Away Party” in his honor. He had returned to school and graduated and enlisted in the ARMY. Although she was dating someone else, who in fact, was also at the party, they talked for hours as though they had just seen one another the day before. He left the next day for Basic Training and she did not see him again for quite awhile.
About a year later, after her engagement was broken and she had also graduated High School, she wrote him a letter. She had enlisted ARMY and would be stationed in Germany once done with her training. She had acquired his address from his brother and “just wanted to get in touch.” He wrote her back almost immediately and they began to correspond regularly just as they had before…like they had never been interrupted.
About a year later, he showed up at her barracks. He had a weekend Pass and had hopped a train to see her. She did not see him the first time he was there. Her roommate told her about him when she had returned from the Mail Room later that afternoon. She had been escorted by the young soldier she had met on the flight over from Georgia to Germany. Met was a very loose term as they had actually made out under a blanket for most of the eight hour flight. He called her Blue Eyes and she felt giddy. That same day, she had received a phone call from the soldier whom she had dated during AIT. Dated was also a loose term as they had endured a “pregnancy scare” and almost gotten married. She had made a fine mess of things by the time her friend had made his way to see her. They had been corresponding but she was also dating other guys while “looking forward to seeing him some day soon.”
But there he was in her Company’s Day Room and once again, they talked for hours as though they had just seen one another the day before. She made arrangements for him to stay off post with some friends and they made plans to see one another the next day. To this very day, there are times in the midst of their lovemaking that she finds herself in the field which they passed that day. Although they merely walked past it that day, in her imagination they there again, dancing among the flowing wheat and sunshine. Funny she should return to a memory which never transpired.
In fact, the lack of kissing led her to misbelieve that he was not really interested. “How could he not even try to kiss her goodbye when it seemed every other guy only wanted that and more?” that inane rationale whispered in her ear once again. In the end, she discovered she was pregnant and she married another after miscarrying three months later. Following the miscarriage, her fiancé asked her if, “She still wanted to get married?” For a long moment, she considered escape but ignored the feeling and all the warnings of her heart and friends. She mistook his question for genuine desire. She answered yes.
The night before the wedding, she called her friend but could not reach him as he was on maneuvers. She thought it was a sign from fate to her unasked question and she went ahead with the marriage. He returned her call a month later and she told him she was married. Presently, the War broke out…literally. She never knew if he was deployed and if so, if he survived. Her final letter went unanswered and she settled into married life. She was honorably medically discharged later that year. The following May, she returned stateside with her husband and their eldest daughter.
Five years later, with a tumultuous marriage behind her and two beautiful daughters in tow, she went home to her family to begin again. A year earlier, while separated from her husband, she had tried unsuccessfully to locate her friend. Inanely, she thought fate once again answered and she returned to her husband.
Now, she made one phone call and was able to leave a message for her friend. Unfortunately, while acquiring his number, she was also informed that he had married.
She called anyway. Within an hour, he was standing on her front doorstep. He hugged her and met her children before they drove to the beach. Once again, they talked for hours as though they had just seen one another the day before. He had married and divorced as well. He had been back in California for a few months. They had both thought of one another but never thought they would ever see one another again.
History would repeat itself when awhile later she got spooked and stopped speaking to him or returning his phone calls. They had gone to the movies and seen Forest Gump. Something in the story rang true and she found herself so comfortable that she laid her head upon his shoulder. He put his arm around her for the remainder of the movie. She warned him afterward that she might be spooked and “not to take it personally.” There was that inane rationale once again!
“You just do not treat that boy right,” her Dad told her. She knew she was mixed up and needed direction. While rekindling their friendship, she had also renewed dating the old flame to which she had given her virginity and was also dating an older man whom she had met in the personal ads.
“Lord,” she prayed one night, “If you should desire that he be the one, please show me. Please guide me and help me to heed your direction.”
That Sunday, he was standing at the back of the church and some bimbo was standing next to him twirling his tie. I was jealous for the first time in my life. I did not like being jealous, but I took it as the sign from God it was meant to be. I dawdled for a week before I finally had to call him. I do mean “had to” as it was as though I was drawn to the phone in the church kitchen prior to Revival services. This was the one night, he chose not to attend services, having been there the whole week prior when I was not! I left him a message and waited. He showed up after services and we drove to a local coffee shop. Over hot cocoa and French fries, we talked for hours as though we had just seen one another the day before.
That was January. February 21st, a week after Valentine’s Day, he kissed me for the first time. Come May, in front of our whole congregation and God, Chris got down on one knee and proposed with his grandmother’s engagement ring. We married the following April in a garden wedding. As we kissed, blossoms and papery leaves drifted down like angel’s confetti. We honeymooned with our daughters at Disneyland. Chris would adopt them formally in 2000. Our life held promise like an unending summer…
Looking back, we agree that we set ourselves up for failure in a few ways. First, we did not honor God nor ourselves when we moved in together the year prior to our marriage. We had finally found true love but we treated it with tarnished actions. Then, we made the same mistakes that most couples who end up struggling often do. We forgot to keep showing our love and passion. We forgot to stick together. Chris will tell you that he forgot to keep cherishing me.
So we return to the beginning of this story and there we lay in a bed so close in proximity but so far apart from one another. I hurt. He hurt. Neither of us really wanted to split up or divorce but we knew we could no longer continue the way we were. I do not know for Chris, but I recall the day that light dawned for me. I was threatening and throwing the D word around once again and he was just as hateful when all of a sudden, it hit me. “If you divorce him and never work this out, what will stop you from doing so again? Yes, some of the problems you are facing are the same as those you faced with your ex-husband, but that does not mean that Chris is the same man. Chris is not an abusive man. You both love one another but you’ve forgotten.” Isn’t it worth at least working through?” Old habits die hard but thankfully, so do old flames of love. We continued to struggle for a few years more but had made a committed effort to do three things: Seek God’s guidance always, Stop using the D word and love one another through everything.
Many more years later, here we are in that same bed and a new home which Chris is slowly rebuilding. He lies next to me snoring and sleeping soundly. As I type this, I look around our love nest…a bedroom haven which we have feathered. Two years ago, we shopped for bedding together, painted the walls together and we often make the bed together. Directly in front of me are three sayings which I have painted in the panels of our bedroom door because they indeed speak volumes. They read:
“…All because two people fell in love;”
“It was no accident me finding you…Someone had a hand in it long before we ever knew!”
“When the one man loves the one woman
And the one woman loves the one man,
The very angels leave Heaven and sit in that house and sing for joy!”
